Hey, thanks for checking in, I'm still a pIeCe Of GaRbAgE

@Tarr the Proud  
Holy fuck, dear blog, can you believe that I forgot to tell you about the fact that I COMPLETED THE FIRST CHAPTER OF POF. It now sits proudly at whooping 147 pages (including covers) and honestly a week later it still doesn't seem real. Now I just have to keep my fingers crossed that I can actually keep up the momentum going forward. It's a little bit of a mess right now in my head as far at the story progression goes, but hey, when isn't it? Anyway, so that's been going on. I kinda want to try and print it as a singular thing for me to keep, but, you know, that's gotta be a huge pain in the butt, considering the unfortunate formatting I've chosen.

Oh! I also bought a lava lamp. That has been my literal childhood dream. It now sits at my desk and blobs. UwU

@Tarr the UPSET  
I want to whine about two friends now dropping out from my birthday celebration - for adulting reasons, yes, but that doesn't make it feel any better - and I don't want to do it where they can see 'cause that just starts to feel like guilttripping or whatever. So here. It sucks. Plague on their goddamn fucking bosses and whatnot. And screw us all being allegic to conflict and all that.

Well, on the other hand, I also dropped out of one of their birthdays for adulting reasons, so karma, I guess.

@Tarr the, uh, Melancholic I guess  
Hello again, my home away from home. I feel like I'm losing my friends again. Not in some dramatic way, no, we're just drifting. As it always happens whenever we stop hyperfixating on the same thing. I am mostly focused on my comic now, and the sad thing is - almost none of my friends are the target audience, per se. Some of them read it to be polite or get somewhat excited simply because it my thing and they love me. Some of them don't read it at all, which - zero judgement, it was my choice to make a niche thing and it's not their fault that none of them much enjoy violence as a narrative. Still, though, it makes me isolated. Works both ways, I suppose - I can hardly squeal about the new season of LOVM with them. It's all just the natural order of neurodivergent living, I suppose. Not to mention that they've got a job that sucks and an apartment to renovate and I am just sitting here. Drawing. Working from home. A job that doesn't crush my soul. Half the time I feel guilty for writing them some fandom shit at all, 'cause if they reply - they surely have better things to do, and if they don't, well, they are busy and I am being an annoyance. It doesn't work that way and they will bite me if they ever find this page (but seeing as they couldn't care less about the web revival either I think I'm pretty safe lol). Maybe I just want them to care about my home-made blorbos. But I shall not be greedy and I shall treasure a couple of people who genuinely plunged into the story, 'cause this ain't about quantity it's about quality. I'll find my readers one day. And hopefully won't lose my friends at the same time. Okay, enough whining, back to drawing.

@Tarr, just Tarr  
Been a while, huh. January was sure... A MONTH. But I'll get a considerable chunk of money out of that, and I still didn't drop the comic, so that's good. Speaking of the comic - I'm starting to get some comments from people. Rare, but so so valuable because of that. Mayhaps if I keep going consistently it will indeed grow and find its people. What a nice thought.

My favorite band released a concert album and I've been listening to it non-stop for two days. I'm full of love~

@Tarr the Fucking Sick  
Came down with a massive cold, still feeling the effects, what a load of crap. Surprisingly didn't screw up my deadlines despite that fact, or at least I don't think I did. Fingers crossed!

Being unable to sit at your PC for a long amount of time (if any) sure facilitates new entertainment. Dad dragged one of our old TVs in my room and I burned the first season of my favorite show on a few DVDs. Was about to complain that the quality got killed and then realized that maybe DVDs are just like that and I just haven't watched one in a while. That would explain why DVD-rips are not actually high quality.

Also installed Linux on my poor laptop which never properly worked a day in its life. Can't say that it flies now, but browsing the Internet is somewhat doable on it now!

Feeling better today so mom and I revived our old old point-&-shoot camera. No idea how well it shoots after not being in use for like 18 years or so, but the contacts are all clean, it clicks and whirrs and counts the used up frames and the flash is also working, so there's hope. Will probably use this roll on casual photos that wouldn't be painful to lose. And if they turn out well - then bring on the summer vacation! And boy, do I hope to get that vacation. Dear energy of the universe or whoever might heed this call, let this be another good summer when my friends AND my family AND I will be able to do whatever we want in terms of money, energy, health and free time. Please double that health part for my mom. Thank you. Signed, me.

@Tarr and hir Hangover  
Ignore the hangover in the title even though it's definitely Here. I finished up all the 24 pages of this next goddamn chapter (or rather, a part of it). It's not quite ready to be posted yet 'cause I need to correct a few things in the previoud one and also fashion up a cover but damn. I made it. I didn't quit. May I continue in the same manner (and also may my burning deadlines be merciful to me).

@Tarr the Stubborn  
I shall not let the loneliness of not knowing if anyone can actually relate to my work consume me. I should not let the lack of readers stop me. I should not let the huge workload slow me down. I'll keep going. I'll keep going. I'll keep going. And what/who I get along the way will be enough for me.

@Tarr the Grateful  
On one hand, the workload this month is totally murdering me.

On another hand I was lying in bed thinking about how all my friends and some of my family have to go to the office today and I felt OH SO GRATEFUL that I DON'T.

@Tarr the, uh, Wistful?  
Hey look, the first blog blob of 2023!

And of course it's going to be ~some whining~. I mean, this is a personal sorta diary page. You can only find it through a little gif on the main. You get what you get.

So what am I grumpy about today? Oh, I just wish I could not care about money. Like, earn it with my art or something. I want to be able to tell my story (or multiple of them at that!) without worrying about work going up in flames or being left totally broke. Actually I'd like to not worry about going broke in general. There's so much I want to draw, so many characters to introduce! And I'm so scared that my ADHD or whatever will make me lose steam and drop everything before I'm done! But I suppose until that hasn't happened I have nowhere to hurry. Some say the process is more precious than the finished result. I do kind of feel that, not gonna lie. I just hope I'll be able to give life to all the story arcs and epic moments that are in my head. And I hope that you will read them. 'Cause they're great.

@Tarr the Pensive  
I've also been thinking. I stayed to celebrate the holidays at home with my parents again, as I do every year, instead of going to celebrate with friends. And I stand by that decision, but I'm unsure if it's correct to say that I've wanted one more than I wanted the other. I think it'd be more fair to say that I actually want a secret third thing. The secret third thing would probably involve having a lover, so as a person completely useless at potential dating I'll try not to think about it much. I will admit, however, that it'd be nice to have someone we'd comfortably match with. Not that I'm uncomfortable with my friends - or my family for that matter - but, you know. Someone with the childish respect for traditions, like my parents, but without their growing pessimism about life (and preferably without other relatives joining), and understanding and comforting like my friends but with less tendency to spend that much hangout time on our phones... Someone with shared love for retro stuff (like the old personal web for one example!) would also be cool.
Okay I am suddenly yearning on main BYYEEE

@Tarr the Tired  
17/24 pages lined for this month's portion of PoF! Idk when I will be able to color all of them though, my deadlines for January are already burning skyyy high, oh boy.

@Tarr the Annoyed  
Who needs Twitter when you can have this shit. Anyway. This first and half-test post is as good of a place as any to vent that looking at all the cool websites makes me too critical of my own (admittedly wonky) design...when this is not about that at all??? Everyone has their thing, I have mine? Gah it's annoying when by brain does this. Some people make cool intricate designs and some don't care. This, whatever this is that I conjured out of pre-made codes, layout builders and tutorials, is fine enough by me. For fuck's sake, it was supposed to be a platform for my webcomic and nothing else, but now that it's actually something I'm getting all self-doubty? Give me a BREAK, brain.